Sexual reproduction—homo sapiens have been using this process of meiosis and fertilization to genetically further our species since we first originated in Africa some 200,000 years ago. It is a method of reproduction that has generated such historically and culturally significant human beings as Gandhi, Napoleon, Alexander the Great, William Shakespeare, Adolf Hitler, Mother Teresa, Martin Luther King, Miles Davis, Leonardo DaVinci, Joan of Arc, Louis Pasteur, and Charles Darwin. Further, it is a technique that produces 490,000 new babies every day, which equals roughly 179,000,000 new babies every year. And yet, somehow, despite the fact that this process has created nearly 100 billion lives since the dawn of mankind, I have to stop and write about the fact that Beyonce Knowles is knocked up.
That’s right. Beyonce showed up last night, and admitted that she and Jay-Z had managed to do something countless billions had done before them. But they’re millionaires, so it’s neat! Yay celebrity reproduction! The species is gonna make it, you guys!
Elsewhere at the VMAs, the trailer for Hunger Games was unveiled! The film is based upon a series of young adult post-apocalyptic novels! Whiz, bang, pow! Hope it’s like Twilight!
Hey, and then Chris Brown showed up to perform, and was lowered from the ceiling with strings to give the illusion that he was flying! Isn’t that cool? He’s kind of like Superman that way, if Superman, you know, viciously , viciously punched Lois Lane in the face repeatedly for looking at his cell phone, and then began throwing Super-tantrums in the media because people wouldn’t be nice to him just because he likes a little domestic assault here and there! So pretty much like Superman! OMG! Did you see him fly! Team Breezy all the way! Here’s to showing the world that domestic assault is kind of ok as long as you’re on TV!
Oh! And Bruno Mars paid tribute to Amy Winehouse! So sad! But Beyonce is pregnant, so it’s ok! Circle of life, gang, circle of life!
And totes OMG, you guyz! Jay-Z took time out from reproducing his genetic material via Beyonce Knowles’ ovaries by performing with Kanye West! Gosh, wow!
Oh, and by the way, in the least important part of the night, some music video awards were given out or something. I dunno, I guess Katy Perry got Video of the Year, Lady Gaga nabbed Best Female Video, Justin Bieber got Best Male Video, and Tyler, the Creator got Best New Artist. So there’s that . But gosh, Beyonce, you guyz! Beyonce!!!!
What did you think of the MTV VMAs?