Justin Bieber Releases ‘Boyfriend’ Single, It Sounds About As Horrible As You’d Imagine

Lyrically and sonically contrived to act as a three-minute fantasy in which Justin Bieber can “be everything you want, hey, girl,” (actual lyrics) for the tween and teen audiences that just devour this stuff, the Biebs’ new single, “Boyfriend,” was released on Monday.  Mysteriously enough, the skies did not darken with the blood of space-lambs, nor did the Earth shudder beneath the weight of the billions of locusts that arrived to consume us all.  So I suppose the single isn’t as bad as it could have been.  Listen to the track below.

Produced by Mike Posner, it’s a pretty basic “I used to be a teen star, now I’m slowly dipping my toes into quasi-‘adult’ jams that are still designed for girls under 16 to swoon to” styled track, with the Biebed One singing that he’d “never let you go/Keep you on my arm girl, you’d never be alone,” in what Billboard magazine is hilariously calling “soul-baring lyrics.”

The song is the lead single on Bieber’s upcoming new full-length, Believe, which does not have a solid release date outside of this summer.   So we at least a few more months of relative peace before his war for total conquest of our hearts, girl, finally begins.

What do you think of the new song?